


You Only Live Once

by moustachioedpistachio



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon - Anime, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:24:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8682223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moustachioedpistachio/pseuds/moustachioedpistachio
Summary: ON SEMI-HIATUS (because finals are hell).Everything is going well for Viktor and Yuuri. Yuuri is making progress in his skating and Viktor couldn't be prouder. They're on their way to a gold medal at the Grand Prix Final, that is until one cruel morning...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time publishing a fanfic so bear with me. Hopefully its good. ^-^

I can hardly remember anything from that day. There was sunrise, it was cold, there was a scream, and then hours of anxious pacing around a starkingly white room. What happened wasn't fair. How the hell did I let it happen?

 

~~~

 

“Yuuri~~” Viktor knocked on my door. “It’s time to get up.” He barged into my room and ripped the blankets off of my body.

I yelped and pulled the blankets back over myself. The air was chilly, and I still wasn’t used to being so vulnerable around Viktor. Sure, I’d bathed in the hot spring with him, but I didn’t want him to see my poodle boxers.

Viktor knelt next to my bed and put his face right next to mine. “You’re kinda cute in the morning,” he laughed and pulled me out of bed and to my feet. “Makkachin will love your underwear.”

I instantly blushed and hastily wrapped my blanket around my waste. “O-ohayou, Viktor. What are we working on today?”

“Quads. Can’t have you smacking your pretty little face against the wall again.” Viktor grabbed my glasses from the nightstand and slid them onto my face, his hand lingering on my cheek. He flashed a coy smile, slid his hand down my arm, and left; I blushed furiously.

 

Twenty minutes later, Viktor and I headed out for our early morning jog on the beach. The cold, Pacific air was cool and refreshing, and the ocean was absolutely beautiful. It was calm, dark, and mysterious, with the sun just peaking over the far horizon, lighting up the  
undersides of the heavy clouds with a hint of brilliant orange. It reminded me of Viktor; he never ceases to amaze me.

“Yuuri, are you daydreaming about me? You’re drooling.” Viktor smirked.

“O-oh. No I was admiring the sunrise,” I mumbled, blushing. “And I wasn’t drooling.” Viktor let out a musical laugh and picked up the pace.

“If you have time to admire the scenery, you have time to perfect your quads. We’re already running late.” And with that, he grabbed my hand and dragged me along the beach toward Ice Castle Hasetsu.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the angst. ;)

Viktor’s movements are so flawless on the ice. He completely loses himself― he transcends time and space and floats along like a god. It’s absolutely breathtaking. I hope to achieve that one day, and with Viktor as my coach, I think it might be possible. He has already seen so much potential in me, and if I mess up it will reflect poorly on him. I can’t let him down.

  
“Okay Yuuri. Your quads aren’t too bad, but you have trouble controlling the speed and sticking the landings. A lot of that falls onto the preparation of your jump and your nerves. Try to carry as much momentum with your free leg as possible. Don’t lean into your jump too much because that makes it much harder to have a solid landing. Alright, watch me.” And, as expected, Viktor executed a perfect quadruple Salchow. “Now you try.”

  
I took to the ice, skating around a bit to warm up. I prepared for a quadruple loop, jumped… and fell out of the landing. I didn’t carry enough momentum. Viktor tells me I need to practice off-ice jumps more, but I really don’t know how much that’ll help.

  
“Try again. Don’t think about it as much this time. That usually works for me.” He winked and leaned against the railing.

  
“Okay.” I tried again and managed to land without touching down, but it was slightly under-rotated. “How was that?” I smiled and looked over to Viktor.  
“Much better. Now watch me again and try to copy my movements.”

  
There he goes, floating across the ice. He’s so beautiful, all tall and lean and blue eyes and silver hair. Anybody would be foolish to disagree.  
He prepared for his jump, flew off the ice, and…

  
“Viktor!” Startled by his cry, I rushed over to where he laid in a heap on the ice.

  
“Y-yuuri,” he looked up at me and I hesitated. I’ve never seen him look so vulnerable. “Yuuri, my leg is broken.” His voice was barely a whisper, strained by the pain he felt. I knelt next to him, my eyes full of fearful tears.

  
“We need to get to the hospital. Oh god Viktor, I’m so sorry.”

  
“Yuuri,” he put a trembling finger to my lips. “It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize.” He faintly smiled before wincing in pain. After a moment, his arm went slack and he passed out.  
What a sight to behold: world renowned figure skater in a broken heap on the ice and his student a sobbing mess. I pulled out my phone and call for an ambulance.

 

 

Everything after that was a blur. The ambulance came and took us to the hospital. They took Viktor away, probably for surgery, and I paced around the waiting room for hours. It was unbearable. Viktor could lose everything just because I’m not a good enough skater. If I was just better at jumps, we wouldn’t be here. If I was just better in general, we wouldn’t be here. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry, Viktor.

 

 

Finally-- after a few hours a so, I’m not really sure-- a doctor came out to tell me Viktor’s surgery went well. I didn’t really hear him, though, because all I cared about was seeing Viktor. The doctor lead me to his room, and I rushed to his side as soon as I saw him. He looked… fragile, which is weird for Viktor, so strong and determined.  
“Hello, Yuuri. How are you?” He smirked, even though his voice was weak and riddled with pain.

  
“Viktor…” I let out an unconvincing laugh. “You’re in no state to ask that. How are you?” I asked.

  
A sudden sadness flashed in Viktor’s eyes, but he quickly replaced it with his usual charm. “I’m great, Yuuri. We’ll have to get back to practicing as soon as I’m well.”  
“Um, that’s important, but are you sure you’re okay?”

  
He thought for a moment before sighing and taking my hand. “Yuuri… I have cancer.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay there's a bit of fluff in this chapter to make up for the last one and the beginning of this one. Viktor and Yuuri travel to Russia for the Rostelecom Cup. It follows episode 9 somewhat closely, other than Viktor having to fly back to Japan to take care of Makkachin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to put out a chapter a week, but no guarantees since finals and the holidays are coming up. Anyways, enjoy! :)

Cancer? That’s not possible. No way. Viktor Nikiforov, twenty-seven year old livinglegend, my coach, my best friend,  cannot have cancer. I stared at him blankly.  

“It’s true Yuuri,” he said, reading my mind. “I’ve known for a while but I’ve chosen to keepit to myself. I didn’t want you worrying. It wasn’t very far along when I went to the doctor last month, but I guess it progressed faster than planned.” I could tell he was being serious by the look in his eyes.   

“But…” I was at a loss for words. Everything was numb and I couldn’t think straight. “What… what does this mean? I mean… for us. For my skating?”   

“Nothing, Yuuri. We’re continue with your training and you’re going to win the Grand Prix Finals.” He squeezed my hand and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.“Hey, I’m okay. I’m gonna be okay. I’m going to start chemo and I’ll beat this. And you’ll be there helping me every step of the way just like I’m going to be there helping you with your skating.”  

I wrenched my hand out of his. “I can’t. I just can’t. I’m going home.” The tears started falling freely now. “I can’t believe you’ve thrown everything away for me, Viktor. That’s not fair toyou. And now your skating career could really be over.” I struggled to keep my voice down, notwanting to yell at Viktor for something he couldn’t control. “Viktor…” I crumpled into a ball at the side of the bed, clinging to the sheets for support. I looked up at him, red, puffy, tear-filled eyes fearing for the worst. “Are… are you going to…?” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence.   

“Die?” he smiled and rested his hand on mine. “Maybe. I will one day, but who knowswhen that’ll be. We just have to make the most of it while I’m here.”   

Bile rose in my throat. I couldn’t handle any of this. I couldn’t imagine a world without Viktor. Suddenly, I remembered the sunrise from that morning that reminded me of him.“If you die,” my voice cracked with emotion, “I will never forgive myself. I’ll be alone.Viktor, you’re my sunshine. You bring light to my world. Can you imagine if the sun never rose?How dark and desolate everything would be?”   

He squeezed my hand. “Yuuri, I promise I won’t stop shining. I will shine until the very end. You don’t deserve to live in the dark.” And with that, I climbed onto his bed and sobbed intohis shoulder.  

 

 

Viktor was in the hospital for two weeks. I stayed there as long as I could everyday sinceI’m not family, but Viktor managed to convince the nurses to let me sleep there the first night. Hewas back and forth, back and forth from surgery to scans to recovery. He was so tired; I couldsee it behind the fake smile he plastered to his face every morning. He didn’t want it to affect me. I took videos of my practices and he told me what I needed to work on. I hated it, but I hadno choice. I was so thankful when he could finally go to practices with me, even if he was in awheelchair the whole time. Viktor’s working me harder than ever before, but I can definitely seemyself improving.  

 

 

 

Right now, we’re on our way to Russia for the Rostelecom Cup. I’m pretty confident inthe work Viktor and I have done, but he grows weaker every day. I’m so worried. He’s sick constantly from his chemo and his hair has started falling out, but he stays strong for me. I needto make it to the Grand Prix Finals for him.  

 

 

 

 

I’m about to go perform my free skate. I’m super nervous because Yurio did an amazing  job and I have a lot riding on my shoulders for Viktor. He always tell me to clear my head, so I’m try ing to try my best to do so. 

 

 

The music starts. _I don’t want them to think everything Viktor’s taught me has been a_ _w_ _aste. I have to prove that by winning. If I fail here, everything is over._ I need to win. I need Viktor. I can’t lose him. My first jump is a quadruple toe loop, double toe loop combination. I nail the quad, butpop the double. It turns into a single, but I can’t let it get to me. My performance is going to beweak today because I’m so worried about Viktor. I manage to get enough rotations in my second jump, but it’s a bit sloppy. I can’t help but think of everything that Viktor has done for me. I neverthought I had a chance at winning gold, but here I am, possibly about to go on to the Grand PrixFinal as a top contender. I couldn’t have done it without him. He’s my best friend. I love andcherish him to no end. His cancer is ruining everything. I have to make this season count,because he might not have another.  

 

I two-foot the landing on my triple toe loop. God, I’m doing so bad. But I can’t focus on that. I need to focus on Viktor. I think about how supportive he is. He hasn’t given up on me yet,so I can’t give up on. I nail my triple axel and triple flip.  _ I’m the only one who can skate this_ _program with this much appeal_. My next combination is a triple axel, single loop, triple Salchow,  and I nail that too. I know I have more stamina than Yurio, so I throw in another combination: a triple Lutz, triple toe loop.  _ I’m the one who loves this program that Viktor and I made the most in _ _the whole world_.  I’m probably the one who loves Viktor the most in the whole world. I won’t bedone fighting until I get a gold for Viktor. My step sequence radiates with the love I have for thatman. I touch down on my last jump, but I don’t even care. I know Viktor will be proud of me nomatter what.  

I finish strong and skate over to him. He welcomes me with open arms like usual, and Igraciously accept. 

“That wasn’t too bad, considering I know you have a lot on your mind.” He flashes hisaward winning smile and kisses my cheek. My face heats up, but I honestly don’t care. “Youmade me proud, Yuuri.”   

“Viktor, thank you for everything.” I sigh, and hug him tighter. “Let’s go home.”   

 

 

 

 

After awards, Viktor and I head back to our hotel. I managed to squeak by into fourth place. It’s not great, but it secures me a spot at the Grand Prix Final. And with Viktor by my side,even though he’s very sick, I know I can win.   



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor and Yuuri enjoy sight-seeing in Barcelona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe. I managed to find my mojo and get a chapter out this week. It's a bit short, but it's a good one. Enjoy! ^.^

It’s Grand Prix Final week! Viktor and I flew into Barcelona last night and checked into our hotel. Well, it’s more like I checked into the hotel and Viktor checked into the hospital. His doctor’s have been very kind in letting him travel with me, but he has to go to the hospital so, so often. They all want to make sure they can keep the best figure skater in the world in the best condition. He absolutely hates it, but he keeps going. I think he’s doing it to give me peace of mind, although I wouldn’t mind having him around more. I’m always much happier when Viktor is around.

Right now we’re sightseeing. It’s really nice, just Viktor and I walking around enjoying all that Barcelona has to offer. This is the first time I’ve actually seen Viktor smiling in quite some time. His life is full of doctors and medicine and pain. I don’t know how his has time or energy for me, but he does. He always puts on a brave face for me, but today it’s nice to see a genuine smile from him. 

As I push him around in his wheelchair, he decides to tell me about his past. I realize I honestly don’t know anything about the off-the-ice Viktor I idolized as a child.

“Honestly my life has been pretty much the same since I was little. Skating practice every night after school. Very little time to socialize. Pretty boring.”

“Your life was anything but boring. Being the top skater in the world by sixteen is far from boring.”

“That may be true, but it was boring for me. Sometimes I just wanted to be a normal teenager, no pressure from coaches and fans. Just running around living life.

Well anyway, I grew up in the foster system. I don’t really remember it because I basically just grew up with one family. They were amazing. My mother was so sweet and caring, and my father was very stern and protective. They were actually the ones who got me into figure skating. I didn’t know this when I started, but they introduced me to skating to honor their dead son. 

They told me that he loved skating, like  _ really  _ loved it, kind of like you do, Yuuri. Spent all his time at the rink practicing. He was going to go places with his talent. Unfortunately he was killed in a horrendous car crash before he ever got to really compete. It was extremely hard for my parents. They lost their only child. Well, until they got me out of the foster system. They definitely loved me as their own son. I’m very fond of them but they don’t really like going to my skating competitions because it reminds them of too much.

So that’s basically my life story. I don’t know if you were expecting a tragic backstory or something, but it is what it is. I was a foster kid who really lucked out. And here I am today, coaching you. I must admit it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made so far.” He turns and gives me a warm smile, resting his hand on one of mine.

I smile back. “You basically know everything about me already, since you’re so nosy.” I chuckle and then something catches my attention. I run over to look in the window of a cute little shop.

“What it is it Yuuri?” Viktor wheels himself to my side.

“Viktor! We need to go in this store!” I rush him through the door and up to the counter. “I want these ones,” I say to the cashier. “I’ve always wanted a good luck charm, and it’s a thank you gift to you, Viktor.” The cashier pulls out two gold rings and hands them to me. “I’ll pay in installments.” I can tell that my face is flush and that my eyes are lit up. “We need to go somewhere special to give them to each other.”

A few minutes later, Viktor and I find ourselves outside a big, beautiful church. I take his delicate hand and pull off his glove, carefully sliding the ring onto his finger. He does the same to me and we embrace.

I’m so caught up in the moment that I can’t help but whisper…

“Viktor… I-I love you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's events happen in the eyes of Viktor. It's sweet and fluffy, and I hope you enjoy.

“Viktor… I-I love you.” Yuuri lets out a small gasp and steps back. His face is scarlet and he looks horrified, but there is a hint of relief in his eyes.

I smile and roll my wheelchair up to him, taking his trembling hand in mine.

“I-I’m sorry, Viktor. I just.. I couldn’t hel―”

“I love you too, Yuuri.” I pull him into me, our lips meeting in a warm, awkward kiss. I’ve been dying to kiss him again since the cup of China. His lips are so soft, just like him. Soft and beautiful and lovely. I think I’ve loved Yuuri for a long time, but I didn’t want to accept it just yet.

Amazingly his face is even redder when he pulls away from me, but he’s lit up with pure joy. He giggles and adjusts his glasses.

“You love me. Viktor Nikiforov loves me.” His radiant smile takes up his whole face and he lets out another laugh. Then he looks at me with his big brown serious eyes and gives me another kiss.

I smile after he pulls away. “We should get going. We’re already late for dinner.”

  
  


We arrive to the restaurant nearly half an hour late. Everyone stares us down as we take our place at the table. There’s a bit of an awkward silence before the waitress comes to take our orders.

Then Christophe decides to break the silence with “Why were you guys so late?”

Yuuri instantly blushes and mumbles something about sight-seeing and I glance at him and smile. Phichit narrows his eyes suspiciously then takes notice of something different.

“Did you guys get married!? CONGRATULATIONS!” He stands up and starts clapping.

Yuuri looks horrified. “N-no. We just… these are good luck charms. I thought it would be nice.” He grabs my hand to show off our matching rings.

I grin as a coy thought comes to my mind. “We’re not married. These are engagement rings. I’m going to marry him when he wins gold at the Final.” I say casually. Yuuri turns an even brighter shade of red and looks down at the table. Everyone else stares at us in utter disbelief.

“You’re going to marry that pork cutlet bowl?” Yuri looks at me accusingly.

“Of course. I love pork cutlet bowls.” I plant a kiss on Yuuri’s cheek. Yuri’s blue eyes ignite with some strong feeling―I can’t decide if it’s rage or jealousy or something else entirely.

“I’ll be sure to invite everyone to the wedding.” I take a swig of my beer. “Let’s eat.”

  
  


An hour or so later, Yuuri and I return to the hotel. He got really concerned about halfway through dinner because I paled and hardly touched my food. He kindly apologized to everyone and brought me back here. This cancer is rough, but it seems like it’s affecting Yuuri just as much if not more as me. He constantly asks me how I’m feeling and always makes sure I’m comfortable. He puts more stress on himself than he needs to. I wish I could tell him to stop but I know he won’t listen. He’s as stubborn as he is cute. Then it hits me.

“Yuuri, can I draw you a bath? You worked really hard for me today, so it’s the least I could do.” I start to wheel myself towards the bathroom.

“No, it’s fine, Viktor.” He yawns and stretches. “I can do it myself.

“Yuuri.” I shoot him a stern look. “Tomorrow is a big day. I mean look at yourself.” He’s  disheveled and his hair sticks up in every direction. His shirt is wrinkled, he has dark circles under his eyes, and he just looks exhausted. “You can’t stop me. Sit on the bed and wait a minute.” He plops himself down on the bed and I wheel myself into the bathroom.

As I prepared the bath, I thought about tomorrow and everything riding on Yuuri’s shoulders. If he does poorly, it will reflect poorly on me, and I know that’s the last thing he would ever want. He puts so much pressure on himself for me, whether it’s skating or taking care of me. He deserves so much, and I can only hope to provide it for him.

When the bath is done, I return to the main room to find a sleeping Yuuri. He’s so cute, his glasses askew and a sliver of his belly showing under his shirt. I go up to him and give him a light kiss then tell him his bath is ready. He sits up and heads to the bathroom. I let him undress and sink into the bath before heading in there myself.

“Give me the washcloth, Yuuri.” He stares at me for a moment, a little taken aback, before handing over the washcloth.

“Y-you don’t have to.” Yuuri’s face turns a little pink.

“But I want to.” I smile, a little color coming to my own cheeks, and lean over the edge of the tub. I begin to gently run the washcloth over his skin, first his arms, then his chest. He keeps his eyes on mine the whole time. I glance up at him for a moment before moving onto his back and he takes the opportunity to grab my face and bring me into a passionate kiss. It’s the type of kiss that leaves you breathless, gives you goosebumps, makes you absolutely melt and fall in love all over again. I clumsily climb into the bath, not minding my clothes. (it’s a good thing I got my cast taken off a few days ago. The doctors told me I healed very quickly in spite of the cancer, although I still use the wheelchair so I don’t exhaust myself.) I break the kiss to mumble a breathy “I love you” and then lay my head on his chest. Yuuri plants a kiss on my head and we lay in the tub, letting the world go on as we remain suspended in this perfect moment.

After the water runs cold, we climb out of the bathtub and dry off. We kiss and smile as much as we can in between drying and getting dressed, then climb into bed together.

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki.” I run my hand through his hair and he closes his eyes and sighs.

“I love you too.” He whispers and snuggles up next to me, falling asleep in a matter of minutes. I kiss his forehead and close my eyes, knowing that tomorrow I will wake up as the happiest man in the world.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's the day: the Grand Prix Final. The day Yuuri and Viktor have spent the last few months preparing for. But does everything go according to plan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> without further ado, here is chapter 6. (finally)

Today’s the day. The Grand Prix Final. Everything Viktor and I have worked so hard for boils down to this. I hope I can prove my worth to him, for him.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes. Viktor lays next to me, snoring away peacefully, what’s left of his silver hair splayed around him like a halo. I prop myself up on my pillow and watch him sleep for a bit before painstakingly withdrawing myself from our warm bed.

I sigh as I stumble towards the bathroom. I’m not ready for today. I splash some cold water on my face and stare at myself in the mirror. I need to win. I have to win. I just… I need… Viktor. Sobs rack my body. I’m going to lose him soon, and with him, I’ll lose everything. I’m going to lose my sunshine, my rock, my love. My best friend. I grip the counter until my knuckles turn white, trying to keep it all in so I don’t wake Viktor up. Why do the gods hate me. I’ve had an uneventful life, doing everything I was supposed to. So why, why do I have to lose the person I love the most. As soon as my life gets better, as soon as I have something to live for, it all gets ripped away from me. It’s not fair. None of this is fucking fair.

“Yuuri?” Viktor stands in the doorway. He rubs his eyes and looks at me with concern. I just look at him and my heart breaks even more. He must see it because he rushes forwards to catch me as I’m overcome with emotion.

“Yuuri, it’s okay.” He whispers in my ear as we sink to the floor. “I’m right here. I’m here, it’s okay.” He holds me and strokes my hair until I can’t cry anymore. What did I do to deserve him? What did I do to deserve to lose him?

 

~~~

 

With thoughts of this morning haunting my mind, I slowly walk down the corridor towards the ice rink for warm ups. Viktor keeps a tight hold of my hand and whispers encouraging words the whole time. I can tell Yurio feels kind of bad for me, even though he would never admit it. Phichit wrapped me in a hug as soon as he saw me. Everyone is a little uneasy because of me.

 

I take to the ice. My mind is cloudy, so I mess up almost all of my jumps. It’s a good thing I’m not being judged yet. Hopefully I can get my mind together in time for my short program.

  


My short program went… okay. I messed up a few times, managed to sneak into fourth place. I feel horrible for JJ. He screwed everything up and he feels like he disappointed everyone. It’s kinda sad because he really is a good skater, even if he is the cockiest person I know. Phichit did as well as he could, and I am so proud of him for it. Yurio… god that kid is going places. His program went flawlessly, even beating Viktor’s world record, and he’s _only fifteen._ I have to do flawlessly tomorrow during my free skate to even make it onto the podium. I have hopes, but we shall see.

 

~~~

 

My free skate couldn’t have gone better. I even made Viktor cry with how well I did. It was absolutely flawless, and my score reflects that―I beat Viktor’s world record free skate score. Beat out by both Yuris. Just thinking about that makes me chuckle a bit. Viktor starts crying again at the kiss and cry, throwing his arms around me and giving me praises. Every once in awhile those praises turn into dirty whispers that send shivers down my spine. He sneaks sensual touches as we walk down the hallway, talk to the others, wait for the award ceremony. My body is on fire, every touch or look or smirk sparking another blaze until I’m consumed. I can’t think straight and Viktor knows it. He’s using it to his advantage and making me feel like a fool in front of everyone. It’s wonderful.

 

“I’m proud of you, Yuuri.” Viktor says as he kisses my ring. “Too bad it’s not a gold.” He smirks and releases my hand so I can change into my exhibition costume.

I’m still high from Viktor’s teasing earlier, so it’s hard for me to concentrate. “Yeah.” I mumble as I slip into my costume. It’s just like Viktor’s free skate costume from last year, only it’s blue. I mean I _am_ doing the same routine to “Stay Close to Me.”

“Um, Viktor, does this look okay?” I stand back so he can look at my costume. He gets a puzzled look on his face and starts adjusting my jacket. He bends down to straighten my skate laces, and I can’t help but poke the top of his head. His hair is so thin, so different from the last time I touched it. He freezes, a light blush blooming across his ashen face. I help him stand up and tenderly put my hand on his cheek.

“I love you,” I rub my thumb across his worn cheek before leaning in for a kiss. He smiles when I break away and whispers that he loves me too. That’s when it hits me.

“Viktor… um, well, I love you,” I stutter and stumble over my words, fighting with the butterflies in my stomach. “I love you more than anything in the world. You’re my sunshine, and now that you have cancer, I don’t know how long your light will last. After this morning, I want to make it last as long as I possibly can. What I’m trying to say is…” I kneel on my knee and grab my silver medal. “Viktor Nikiforov, will you marry me?” I lay the medal in his hand. “I-I know this isn’t gold or even a ring, and I know we already have rings and such, but―”

“Shut up, Yuuri.” Viktor pulls me from my knee and presses his mouth to mine before I can spout more nonsense. I instantly melt and I feel like I’ve been electrocuted. “Of course I’ll marry you. It would be an honor.” He flashes his killer smile and kisses me again. “Now let’s go show you off to the world one more time.”

 

~~~

 

Viktor and I stumble back to our hotel around two in the morning. I’m drunker than… well, a very drunk person. I drank a shit load of champagne at the after-party, so Viktor has to drag me home before I do something I know I’ll regret, even if I don’t remember it. It’s quite the sight to see: me, a Grand Prix silver medalist, drunk and giggly from the champagne and my new engagement, and Viktor, reigning World champ, sagging from the weight of me and cancer and the rest of the world.

Viktor unlocks our hotel room while I giggle and try to kiss every inch of him I can reach. He walks me to our bed and slowly sets me down, combing my flushed face with worried eyes. He removes my glasses and sweeps a few stray hairs from my face.

“How are you feeling, my little pork cutlet bowl?” He sits next to me and tenderly takes my hand.

“Viktorrr,” I giggle and boop his nose. “How are _you_ feeling, Viktorrrr?” I drunkenly smirk and ungracefully place my hand on his inner thigh.

“I-I’m fine, Yuuri.” He blushes and I move my hand up his leg. “Yuuri,” His voice is suddenly sharp and he abruptly stands, my hand falling onto the bed. “You’re drunk. We can’t.” It takes my intoxicated brain a few minutes to process how uncomfortable Viktor is.

I try my best to sound sober. “W-Why? I’m f-f-fine. Don’t be… don’t be upset.” I reach for his hand but he turns away and walks to the window.

“You won’t remember it. I want you to remember our first.” His voice cracks. “Plus if you’re drunk, I feel like I’m taking advantage of you, and you might regret your consent, which is rape.” He turns and looks at me, a few quiet tears falling from his blue eyes. “I know what that’s like.”

That quickly sobers me up. “But… you said your life was simple and boring. I would think rape would make your life harder, anything but simple honestly.”

Viktor gives me an extremely somber smile. “It was still simple and boring. I wasn’t going to let that one instant define my life for me. And I know you want to know who or why or how.” he must have caught the puzzled look on my face. “It was an old coach. I must’ve been eleven or twelve. I don’t know why he did it, but he made me stay late after practice once. Those memories are a little fuzzy because I did my best to block it all out. That’s all. I told my parents, and everything went back to normal. I survived.”

I take one look at him―my tall, beautiful, defiant, cancer-ridden Viktor―and burst into tears. And it’s not just crying, it’s ugly, drunk crying and I can’t tell if it’s happy or sad or tired. “You’re so strong, Viktor!” I slur through my tears. He just comes over, sits next to me, and folds me into a bone-crushing hug. He’s probably crying too, but I can’t tell through the weird sounds coming from my mouth.

So we sat there for a while, crying and sometimes laughing and then crying some more until I cry or laugh or whatever myself to sleep in Viktor’s arms.


End file.
